10 March 2015back

Creative Internships Blog Week 22

Olivia Richardson, NoFit State Circus

I’m stuck.
There, I said it.
Well, I was.
Even so, present or past, admitting you’re struggling a teensy bit is a huge thing. (It is for me anyway!)

I’ve always been a pretty independent person. I don’t like to rely on other people and I like to think I don’t need help. I think some of it is a bit of Napoleon Complex. Standing at only 5ft tall, I’ve had my fair share of ‘do you want me to get that for you?’ or ‘do you need a hand with that?’ and all of these questions have been met with a resounding ‘no’. I’ve got this. I can and I will do this – even if I know in my head it’s going to be difficult.

I’d been stressing over writing a particular trust application for quite a while and I’ll be the first to admit it just kept getting put to the bottom of the pile. The more I put off writing it, the worse my writers block got and it reached a point where enough was enough. I had to admit I was stuck.

I met with my Arts Mentor Alison where we talked it through - and what a relief it was. Even just voicing my problem helped enormously. By not talking about what I was finding challenging, I was making the problem much bigger than it needed to be and so we first worked out some reasons why I was feeling the way I was and then we started to map out a solution.

For me, I needed to see where my application was going to fit in in the bigger picture of NoFit State. I needed to know the consequences of the money I was raising. I guess knowing that the money I raised would truly make a difference and knowing exactly where it would end up was a massive incentive to not only get an application in but to make it a great one.

For me, the past five months has been one of the biggest learning curves I have ever been on. I have learnt things about myself I had never encountered before and it has made me start to question some of the things I had always assumed about myself.

Sometimes you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do.
Sometimes things aren’t as difficult as you think they are.
Sometimes you need to swallow your pride and ask for help.

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